I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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