if you like me you must not know who I am
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
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Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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