I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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