Please, let me fuck your mom
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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