Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
