Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
