I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
