dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize