I CAN MOONWALK!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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