She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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