Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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