last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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