What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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