Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
