clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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