the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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