I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize