epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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