Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
