Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
