i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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