Umm I'm too high to move.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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