i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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