i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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