And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
