Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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