I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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