it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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