you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drunk is a universal language darling
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