worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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