The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
