My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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