He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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