I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.