He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents