dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.