Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*