We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.