Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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