we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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