Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
