I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
