I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
