I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
