Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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