Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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