my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize