my being single is dangerous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize