It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize