How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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