He told me they were just razor bumps!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
