Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How external is "for external use only"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
