but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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