My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
