it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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